Over a year ago I attended my first retreat with Theresa and the Sisters of Life. I remember how reluctant I was about the whole idea of spending a few days focusing on my abortions with other women who I didn’t know, and possibly having to share my experiences. I tried to come up with every excuse I could not to go, but for some reason, I ended up being and doing exactly what I was determined not to do. It was one of the best things I could have ever done for myself and my family.
Although the retreat was just the beginning of my journey toward a healing that I never believed I could attain, it was also the beginning of a “friendship” with Jesus. A friendship that I can now rely on and stay focused on when dealing with everyday battles and struggles that come up along the way.

There are many different inner struggles that I’ve lived with and still live with since my first abortion. One of these triggers an immediate pattern. A challenge comes up in my life and almost automatically my thoughts become the same “I’m being punished for this horrific sin…and I deserve it.” I guess the good news is that for nearly 25 years of believing this, I can finally hear a different voice…His voice…the voice of truth responding simply, “No you’re not, and no you don’t.”

Hearing these words did not come very easily. I think one of the greatest challenges I faced at that first retreat was being able to just sit and be with Jesus. I always felt so uncomfortable in any “sacred” environment – so unworthy. And for me, prayer was just reciting something that I had memorized as a kid and getting it over with as quickly as possible. I never knew I could actually have a conversation with Jesus or how to have one, for that matter. But over time, and of course with a lot of help from Theresa and a wonderful spiritual director, I have been able to learn how to just be in His presence and communicate in a way I never believed I could. It is truly the easiest and
most comfortable part of my day.

I know that my life will always be filled with obstacles and struggles – doubts and fears. I know that tomorrow there will probably be a moment that I will hate myself because of my sin of abortion, but I also know that as each day goes by, the more I talk with Him and get to know Him and come to truly trust in Him, the less those obstacles and struggles and doubts and fears will have a hold on me and my life.
- V